Saturday, June 24, 2017

RE: A Dog Walks Up To A Water Bowl...

The Doggie: Hey, can you give me some feedback on my standup routine?
The Hubby: Sure, let's hear what you've got.
The Doggie: Okay. (ahem) So, the other day I was trying to buy a new stereo. I go into the store, and there's this bird--
The Hubby: Let me stop you right there. Is this going to involve woofers and tweeters?
The Doggie: ...yeah...
The Hubby: I'd stay away from puns. Got anything else?
The Doggie: Uh, how about this... You ever notice how Irish setters sniff butts like "It's time for a weeeee bit o' the butt sniffin'" and German shepherds sniff butts like "Ja! Now is ze time to sniffen ze butts!"
The Hubby: Eh...
The Doggie: Too breedist?
The Hubby: Well, kinda, but it's also really hacky. Like, that's 1985 open mic material. The accents were good, though!
The Doggie: Oh...
The Hubby: Hey, don't be discouraged. Just keep working at it, and I'm sure you'll come up with something!
The Doggie: Okay. Actually, I did have one other idea. I was thinking I could tell little stories about you and me. Like, I'd canopomorphize you, and--
The Hubby: What's canopomorphize?
The Doggie: That's when you assign canine attributes to non-canine objects.
The Hubby: Oh, I get it, so you'd make it out like I could talk like a dog?
The Doggie: Right. And I'd just talk about how you're constantly perplexed by the simplest things, like how I poop and stuff. Like you'd just be obsessed with my basic bodily functions. Or you couldn't figure out why I bark when I hear dangerous intruders outside. Stuff like that.
The Hubby: Hmm. Sounds like really solid material. If you could pull it off, I think it'd be great. One thing, though. That sounds like it would be more suited to occasional Facebook posts than a standup routine.
The Doggie: Okay, I can see that. Oh, and eventually, once I'd run out of ideas, I could just get really meta with it.
The Hubby: Ooh, I like that!

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