Saturday, February 14, 2015

RE: They Say Necessity Is The Mother Of Invention

Friend: [Daughter], stop playing with the water, you are wasting it.
Daughter: But I'm washing my feet.
Friend:You don't need to wash your feet you just took a bath.
Daughter: But I just got off the toilet.
Friend: There is no reason to wash your feet when you get off the toilet.
Daughter: But I was standing on the toilet to go potty
Friend: Uh, why?
Daughter: I stand on the toilet when it's hard to poop; it makes it easier.
Friend: Who told you to do that?
Daughter: I just thought of it, seemed like it would work.
Friend: Does it?
Daughter: Really good.
Friend: Carry on.

Friday, February 13, 2015

RE: Taxes Can Be Taxing

A story from a former co-worker:

I just overheard a conversation between two teenagers working at Walgreens and I'm still reeling!

Teenager A: "I am really confused about what you use a W2 for in the first place."
Teenager B: "I think it's to file taxes, but I just threw mine away because I pay all my taxes up front when I buy things..."

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

RE: The Piano Man?

Me: Shelly went to a Billy Joel concert. She got an autographed drum stick and got to go backstage and meet him. He signed her arm and she got it turned into a tattoo.
The Hubby: Why a drum stick?
Me: I guess it was just something he could easily throw out into the crowd.
The Hubby: Is she a big Billy Joel fan?
Me: Oh yeah, huge! When she was young she had spiky hair and everything.
The Hubby {Not really understanding what having spiky hair had to do with Billy Joel.}: I guess it was safer to throw out drum sticks than autographed pianos.
Me: Did he play the piano?
The Hubby {What? He's the Piano Man!}: Billy Joel?
Me: Billy Idol!
The Hubby: Oh! Well that makes a lot more sense.

(Not sure I said the wrong name, or if he heard the wrong name, but either way, it was worth a good laugh.)

RE: B-A-N-A-N-A-S

"I just cried more into my banana pillow." - Sally, telling a story about her childhood that involved an actual banana being found in her pillow

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

RE: Not Sure If I Want To Know Where Peanut Butter Comes From

"And my daughter just informed me that there was jelly coming out of her nose. Best description of a bloody nose ever. In fact, I'm going to officially adopt it." - Facebook post by a former coworker

RE: I Have No Words

Screen shots Stella sent me:


With a friend:


With Mr. R: