Sunday, July 1, 2018

RE: Asprin Between The Knees

“Yes, we value life. But, you don’t need to keep pumping out babies like the warrantee’s running out on your vagina.” - The Hubby

Thursday, May 10, 2018

RE: Sighing 'Bout The Rain, What A Terrible Feeling

Found this oldie the other day:

The Doggie: Gosh, mom, why'd we have to come inside?
Me: Because it's cold and pouring rain. We were out long enough. 
The Doggie: But [Neighbor] and his dad were still out there. 
Me: [Neighbor] and his dad are human adults. They can make that decision for themselves. 
The Doggie: But you're a human adult. 
Me: Yes, so I make the decisions for both of us.
The Doggie: I wish I was a human adult. Wait until Dad gets home.
Me: Ha! He's more strict than me. You'll be lucky to even get out the door.
The Doggie: [angst ridden sigh]




Monday, April 2, 2018

RE: A Yuge Theory. CAUTION: MAY INDUCE VOMITING

Message from Stella about Mr. R.:

My dad just told me that he believes Baron Trump is actually Donald Trump's lovechild with Ivanka. I am SO vomiting right now.

Monday, February 12, 2018

RE: Shit & Sarcasm --- Sarcasm & Shit

The Hubby: Why the hell do you do that? Why do you poop a little bit, then take two steps and poop some more?
The Doggie: What, I thought you liked when I did that?
The Hubby: WHAT? Why would I like that?
The Doggie: I have no earthly idea. But that's what you said. The other day, I was taking care of business, and you said, "Oh, great, just spread it around! I just LOVE a little poop scavenger hunt!
The Hubby: That was sarcasm!
The Doggie: What's "sarcasm"?
The Hubby: It's when you say the opposite of what you mean, so that the other person knows you're annoyed, or you think they're dumb.
The Doggie: Wait. You say the opposite of what you actually mean, and people are supposed to know what you're talking about?
The Hubby: Well... yeah.
The Doggie: Ah. That's a GREAT way to communicate...
The Hubby: Okay...
The Doggie: Humans are SOOO smart!
The Hubby: I get it!
The Doggie: That's not stupid AT ALL! Am I doing this right?

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

RE: ESAs

"A Chihuahua is the Emotional Support Animal that would need its own Emotional Support Animal." - The Hubby

Sunday, January 28, 2018

RE: Where Babies Literally Come From

A friend's post on Facebook:
Me: I brought you into this world. I can take you out of it.
9yo: That’s not true, mommy did.
Me: That’s not the point!

Monday, September 4, 2017

RE: They're At It Again

The Hubby: You smell really nice after your bath!
The Doggie: Yeah? Well, you smell like ass.
The Hubby: Dude!
The Doggie: What? I was just returning the compliment...