Sunday, April 29, 2012

RE: Vocabulary Lesson

Gleek performs Slam poetry and has a piece entitled "Prima Donna"  Someone thought it was called "Pre Madonna."

RE: Opening The Closet Door?

What Stella heard her mom say: I do enjoy snatch.

What Stella's mom said: I do enjoy "Smash."

Sunday, April 22, 2012

RE: Happy Trails

Textersation with Stella:

Stella: I'm on a bus between Chicago & [hometown]...and everyone on it sucks 16 assholes...gonna shank them all.
Me: Nice
Stella: No...it's not...it sucks.

Later

Stella: It's so fucking hot on this bus.  I'm dead aren't I?  I'm in some level of hell.
Me: Noo, you can't be.  I need you!
Stella: Guy chewing with his mouth open and now sucking on his fingers and kissing on his chick.  I'm on the verge of weeping.  HOLY FUCK...the chick just coughed against the window and her cough wind blew in my face.

Friday, April 20, 2012

RE: Speaking Of Uncomfortable

"I'd like to thank Dick Clark for finally dying so my New Year's Eves no longer have to be uncomfortable." - Stella

RE: Texts On A Train!

As Stella was traveling to Chicago, I received some texts:

"Riding on Amtrak to Chicago and some guy just ran up the aisle yelling, "PANCAKES!  SAUSAGE!  SCRAMBLED EGGS!"

"Finally doze off and a heard of Mennonites get on the train and don't SHUT THE FUCK UP, MOTHER FUCKERS!  Also...they are sitting right behind me."

"Ok, I thought this lady sitting by me was retarded...she's not...she has a daughter and is just really socially awkward."

Thursday, April 19, 2012

RE: Money Can't Buy Social Skills

"It's like he has rich asperger's." - The Hubby on Mitt Romney's inability to think before speaking when trying to relate to Joe Average American

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

RE: Hope They Aren't Teaching That!

"Oh, how funny! Yesterday I was telling Cinderella about how funny the english language is and she has homophobes for homework!" - Wonder Woman

Sunday, April 8, 2012

RE: Watch Out Ryan Murphy

"I am going to make a show about goth kids who sing and dance.  I'm going to call it "Glum."" -The Hubby

Friday, April 6, 2012

RE: Unconditional Love

"Grandma, did you know that my daddy sings in the bathroom?  I love him anyway."

and, later, still talking about daddy:

"Sometimes he is obnoxious." - Mini-Me

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

RE: Mama Carnie

Me: All I can think of while watching Carnie Wilson singing mama and the papa's songs just makes me think of mama cass....Wow, that was a fucked up sentence.

Stella: And that makes me think of the Scooby Doo episode with Mama Cass in the candy factory...which then makes me think of the Neapolitan ghosts...which the makes me think of grapefruit with whipped cream and a cherry because that is what Mama Cass/Carnie Wilson eats at the end of the episode...which then makes me think of the ham sandwich she apparently choked on.  Follow that fucked up train of thought.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

RE: Talking Shit With Birdman & Stella

Stella: How many calories does one burn when they are pooping?
Birdman: This site says you burn 70 calories per hour while pooping.  Who poops for an hour?!  My legs start to fall asleep after 10 minutes.  Don't yours?
Stella: No.  Maybe cause you are taller.

RE: Ain't No Fan Like A C-Town Fan

"This is the worst Indians team I have seen in my ENTIRE life.  They can't pitch, they can't hit and they get injured wiping their asses." - Mr. R

RE: When Eggs Attack

"STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" - Overheard coming from a restaurant kitchen

RE: Life's Purpose

"After I eat a lot, I just want to poop and sleep." - Sally, at breakfast