I Better Write That Down

Birdman: Kid Rock's Tour of Detroit on "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives." Stella: Does he just take us to every Waffle House in Detroit? Birdman: Yes.  It's an entire half an hour of Waffle Houses.

"I walked in and they rearranged the classroom.  I said, "WHAT THE?."  But, I didn't really say it, I just said it in my head." - Mini-Me, who turns 5 today!

"Ok, so, I'm walking in the Metroparks and I just came around the bend to  start heading up Hell Hill as I call it. Coming toward me, down the hill, is an older guy. Because I'm a nice fucking person, I always smile and nod  to fellow walkers, runners, bikers, crazy rollerbladers, etc. A crazy  psycho may think twice about killing me if I'm nice to them. Anyway, the  old guy and I exchange "good mornings" and I continue hauling my fat ass up  Hell Hill. Hell Hill winds up the side of a cliff and I can see the path  that I was just on below me. So, I'm huffing and puffing my way up and I  look down and I see the old guy flashing me his ass. I'm like "Oh. My.  God. Is he a perv flashing me?! Its his ass and not the front junk, but  it's still a flash...holy crap!!" Then I look closer and I see that he is  making dump cake right there off the side of the path! His feet are on the  path still and he is sort of in this 3/4 squat just dropping

"[Her] legs are eating her shorts." - Heard at work

Scrubs: [Mini-Me], you will be 5 in 5 days. Mini-Me: Great, will I be 6 in 6 days??

"Aubrey popped right out of her mama's chotch and started grabbing onto the stripper pole!" - Clay Aiken regarding Aubrey O'Day

"So, I just said to [Holla], 'Come here to [The Hubby] this card for sign.'  Then, went to say, '[Gleek], you [The Hubby] it, too.' I am turning into mom more each day." - Text from Pi

Stella is a designer who comes up with paint color schemes for a variety of businesses.  Here is a request from a client for a hotel chain: "The outside PILLARS can have 2 color , one UP stairs and OTHER one for  down staira.   like a sandwitch ICE CREAM. Give me TWO choices."  

"Mini-Me in the bra section of target, 'I can't remember what these are called so I'll just call them boobies.'" -Text from Scrubs about the shopping trip

"Just drove by a guy juggling what looked like knives in the middle of a field in the M-parks." - Text from Stella

"I just drove past a guy riding a tricycle with a windshield.  [City where Stella lives] freaks are out in full force."

Guy at the post office: Ga a ga gay. Stella: Did you say, "Have a good day?" Guy: Yes. Stella: Gank goo.

"Me and Jionni are getting married, I feel, when he purposes.  And, I don't know when that is, but he better do it within the future." - Snooki from "The Jersey Shore"* *I watch a lot of crap on tv, but I do not watch this.  My only "Jersey Shore" viewing takes place when "The Soup" plays clips.

My old boss:    M, you should look for a show called finding Bigfoot. It is probably the dumbest show on the air, and these people are dead serious about what they do. Me: I've heard about it, but I've never seen it...Kind of like Bigfoot himself.

"I was just reading through old posts on your blog. I was laughing so hard that: 1. tears were running down my face; 2. I almost peed on the couch; 3. I pulled a muscle in my back; and, 4. I interupted Joe* cleaning his crotch." - Text from Stella *Pet cat

"He doesn't look a day over dead." - Me during Willard Scott's Smucker's Birthday segment on "Today" *I don't like to quote myself on here very often, unless it is related to the quote of another person.  However, this one made The Hubby laugh, which is my sole purpose in life, so I figured it was worth posting.

"I looooooove onion rings, I just don't like the onions!"  & "I want peanut butter & jelly with no jelly." - Mini-Me

Received this photo in a text from Stella with the following quote from Birdman: "Want a portrait of Kenny Loggins?  Our Lord & Savior, Kenny Loggins." Followed by a text from Stella's brother saying: "Our Kenny, who art in Nashville, hallowed by thy name.  Thy records play, thy lyrics be sung, on radio and live.  Give us this song, our daily song, now and forever.  AmFm." Then, this text from a mutual friend: "Please get me one!  I really thought it was Jesus!"

"You should get some Pajama Pants to wear with your Forever Lazy.  It would be like a black hole of comfort.  You would never be able to get out." - Birdman to Stella