Friday, March 30, 2012

RE: Detroit Thang

Birdman: Kid Rock's Tour of Detroit on "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives."
Stella: Does he just take us to every Waffle House in Detroit?
Birdman: Yes.  It's an entire half an hour of Waffle Houses.

RE: WHAT THE?

"I walked in and they rearranged the classroom.  I said, "WHAT THE?."  But, I didn't really say it, I just said it in my head." - Mini-Me, who turns 5 today!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

RE: Takes The Cake...The Dump Cake

"Ok, so, I'm walking in the Metroparks and I just came around the bend to start heading up Hell Hill as I call it. Coming toward me, down the hill,is an older guy. Because I'm a nice fucking person, I always smile and nod to fellow walkers, runners, bikers, crazy rollerbladers, etc. A crazy psycho may think twice about killing me if I'm nice to them. Anyway, the old guy and I exchange "good mornings" and I continue hauling my fat ass up Hell Hill. Hell Hill winds up the side of a cliff and I can see the path that I was just on below me. So, I'm huffing and puffing my way up and I look down and I see the old guy flashing me his ass. I'm like "Oh. My. God. Is he a perv flashing me?! Its his ass and not the front junk, but it's still a flash...holy crap!!" Then I look closer and I see that he is making dump cake right there off the side of the path! His feet are on the path still and he is sort of in this 3/4 squat just dropping a load right there! And that section of the path is right by a parking lot! So, I'm dying.at this point, I am laughing so hard I'm about to roll down Hell Hill. I could NOT believe what I had just witnessed. So, I get to the top of the hill and head back down and past the old guy's pooping spot and that bastard had left his pile of shit encrusted paper towels right there on the side of the path...well, one was about 5 feet from were he marked his territory and the other wad was on the OTHER SIDE of the path. It's like he wiped his ass just threw the paper towels in the air and ran away. I continued the next mile alternating between laughing and gagging. I really thought the guy I saw last week in just skimpy running shorts and bare feet scratching his naked back up and down a tree just off the path like a god-damn grizzly bear was the one sighting that takes the cake but Old Man Pooper just one upped that weirdo." - E-mail from Stella

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Monday, March 26, 2012

RE: Little Logician

Scrubs: [Mini-Me], you will be 5 in 5 days.
Mini-Me: Great, will I be 6 in 6 days??

RE: Did He Really Say That?

"Aubrey popped right out of her mama's chotch and started grabbing onto the stripper pole!" - Clay Aiken regarding Aubrey O'Day

RE: It Was Inevitable

"So, I just said to [Holla], 'Come here to [The Hubby] this card for sign.'  Then, went to say, '[Gleek], you [The Hubby] it, too.' I am turning into mom more each day." - Text from Pi

Friday, March 23, 2012

RE: A Special Request

Stella is a designer who comes up with paint color schemes for a variety of businesses.  Here is a request from a client for a hotel chain:

"The outside PILLARS can have 2 color , one UP stairs and OTHER one for down staira.  like a sandwitch ICE CREAM. Give me TWO choices." 

RE: Ooooh! So Close!

"Mini-Me in the bra section of target, 'I can't remember what these are called so I'll just call them boobies.'" -Text from Scrubs about the shopping trip

Thursday, March 22, 2012

RE: What Kind Of City Is She Living In?

"Just drove by a guy juggling what looked like knives in the middle of a field in the M-parks." - Text from Stella

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

RE: There's No Place Like Home

"I just drove past a guy riding a tricycle with a windshield.  [City where Stella lives] freaks are out in full force."

RE: You're Speaking My Language

Guy at the post office: Ga a ga gay.
Stella: Did you say, "Have a good day?"
Guy: Yes.
Stella: Gank goo.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

RE: Save The Date

"Me and Jionni are getting married, I feel, when he purposes.  And, I don't know when that is, but he better do it within the future." - Snooki from "The Jersey Shore"*

*I watch a lot of crap on tv, but I do not watch this.  My only "Jersey Shore" viewing takes place when "The Soup" plays clips.

RE: A Recommendation To Find "Finding Bigfoot"

My old boss:  M, you should look for a show called finding Bigfoot. It is probably the dumbest show on the air, and these people are dead serious about what they do.
Me: I've heard about it, but I've never seen it...Kind of like Bigfoot himself.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

RE: A Piss Down Memory Lane...Almost

"I was just reading through old posts on your blog. I was laughing so hard that: 1. tears were running down my face; 2. I almost peed on the couch; 3. I pulled a muscle in my back; and, 4. I interupted Joe* cleaning his crotch." - Text from Stella

*Pet cat

Friday, March 9, 2012

RE: Pick A Better Picture

"He doesn't look a day over dead." - Me during Willard Scott's Smucker's Birthday segment on "Today"

*I don't like to quote myself on here very often, unless it is related to the quote of another person.  However, this one made The Hubby laugh, which is my sole purpose in life, so I figured it was worth posting.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

RE: I Like It, Except For The It Of It

"I looooooove onion rings, I just don't like the onions!"  & "I want peanut butter & jelly with no jelly." - Mini-Me

Thursday, March 1, 2012

RE: Holy Footloose!

Received this photo in a text from Stella with the following quote from Birdman:

"Want a portrait of Kenny Loggins?  Our Lord & Savior, Kenny Loggins."

Followed by a text from Stella's brother saying:

"Our Kenny, who art in Nashville, hallowed by thy name.  Thy records play, thy lyrics be sung, on radio and live.  Give us this song, our daily song, now and forever.  AmFm."

Then, this text from a mutual friend:

"Please get me one!  I really thought it was Jesus!"

RE: Comfort For All Eternity

"You should get some Pajama Pants to wear with your Forever Lazy.  It would be like a black hole of comfort.  You would never be able to get out." - Birdman to Stella