Saturday, December 31, 2016

RE: AKA

"My nephew was telling us about the women [sic] who flew an airplane around the world and her name was: 'A-Million Air Heart'!" - Facebook post from The Hubby's cousin

Sunday, December 18, 2016

RE: 'Tis The Season...The Browns' Season

Browns' Announcer: We'll be right back after this short commercial break. 
Mr. R.: Who really gives a shit if you come back?

Thursday, December 8, 2016

RE: Do You Hear What I Hear

When you're trying to smuggle toys out of the house for donation, but they start playing their music in the trash bags. [toddler son] is on to me like the DEA on a drug raid. Relentless interrogation, relentless. - A friend's Facebook post

RE: That's Not Having It My Way

I often drive by a Burger King which says, "Flame grilling since 1954" on one side of the building. I always think, "I think it's done now. You can stop grilling it." I'm a dork. - Me

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

RE: Poor Middle Child

E-mail from my Mom [Wonder Woman] regarding her babysitting [Precious Gem] and her dad, my brother who was in the hospital:

When I found out [brother] was coming home yesterday I told [Precious Gem]... She said, "Good, now maybe [Mini-Me] will stop crying all the time!" I said to her that she misses Daddy. Then I said, "Don't you miss Daddy?" Her answer,"Yes I do, but not as much as [Mini-Me]." She is so funny.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

RE: Missing Miley Bieber Today

Thank you, Facebook, for the flashes of the past. Today's post are quotes from a co-worker back on December 6, 2010.

Two quotes from Miley Bieber: 
  1. Homeless people need to get it on, too.
  2. I feel like I need to pick-up his suck.
The second is in reference to a co-worker who really was not good at his job.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

RE: She's Kind Of Picky

Another Facebook post about the political savvy preschooler:

"We asked [preschooler] the other day if she needed a tissue (as her finger was in her nose) and she responded, 'No, I love picking my nose!'"

RE: Political Preschoolers

A friend's Facebook post:

I put down my phone which had a picture and article about Hillary on it and [her preschooler] says: "That looks like Donald Trump's mom."

Saturday, November 19, 2016

RE: A Free World Either Way

While Neil Young's playing an acoustic version of "Rockin In The Free World".


Precious Gem: I think I've heard this one before.
My Brother: You've heard the electric one.

Two minutes later...


Precious Gem: I've heard this "virgin" before.

Monday, November 14, 2016

RE: Bald Is Beautiful

Friend's daughter found a wedding picture.
Friend's daughter: Was that one of your bestest days?
Friend: Yes, it was one of the best days when I married your daddy.
Friend's daughter: Why do you like Daddy? He doesn't even have any hair!

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

RE: There Will Be A Gal In Kalamazoo

Scrubs: [Precious Gem], do you want to go to Kalamazoo?
Precious Gem: Yes. Are there going to be animals there?
My Brother: It's for [Cinderella's] ice skating!
Precious Gem: At the zoo?!
My Brother: No, Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

RE: Thinking Outside The Box

"That's it! The giant cardboard box is in timeout!" - A friend, a mother of three, on more things she never thought she'd say

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

RE: What's That Cologne?

Student: You smell sorta like my gramma.
My Brother the Teacher: Really? What does she smell like?
Student: She's dead but you smell old.

Sunday, October 30, 2016

RE: A Whole Lotta Ouch

Me: Who was Parker Posey?
The Hubby: The rough looking one.
Me: OMG! I thought that was Elizabeth Banks. [awkward pause] Don't tell Elizabeth Banks.

- After watching "Mascots"

RE: In Other CLE Sports

Saturday, October 29, 2016

RE: A Real Shot In The Arm

"Just picked up [Mini-Me] from a sleepover. Now we are in line for flu shots. She's not happy. [Mini-Me] told me, 'You're bad at surprises!'" - My brother, Mini-Me's dad

Monday, October 24, 2016

RE: Something Stinks Around Here

Friend: [Daughter], you're being kinda a stink tonight. Be nice to your brother.
Friend's 7 yr. old Daughter: Mom, that's not how stink works. Stink makes you smell bad. I think the word you're looking for is "naughty".

Thursday, October 20, 2016

RE: Choo-Choo-Choose Chocula

Message from Stella:
At Target and we see the Count Chocula cereal box that says "Vote for Me" or whatever.
Birdman: Who is he running against?
Stella: Boo Berry and Frankenberry. Yummy Mummy probably isn't running.
Birdman: Frankenberry is in it until the Access Hollywood tapes come out.
Stella: Yeah. Those will be gross.
Birdman: *rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* Grab pussy *rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

RE: A Serious Matter

Typically, the posts on this blog are inane or silly or beyond explanation, but today, I am sharing a link to a post written by The Hubby. It's important enough to be written down.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

RE: Oh The Horror!

The Hubby: Want to watch "American Horror Story"?
Me: Sure. I'm pretty sure that's what I've been watching all week on MSNBC.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

RE: No MVP Here

"Joe Thomas. That piece of shit. What a piece of shit. Joe Thomas is a piece of shit! I will PUKE if he makes the Pro-Bowl again this year. I. WILL. PUKE!!" - Mr. R upon watching the Cleveland Browns

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

RE: I'm A Big Girl Now

Precious Gem had her first day of Pre-K today. She was telling of a little girl who cried because she missed her mommy. When she finished telling about that, she said, "I don't think I missed anybody."

Saturday, September 3, 2016

RE: La Panda El Roundo

Mr. R: [Some suburb] has a new chain Mexican restaurant going in. I can't remember the name. 

[Google it] 

Stella: All I see is Panda Express. 
Mr. R: That's it! 
Stella: That's Chinese. 
Mr. R: Whatever. 
Stella: What about a panda bear on the logo made you think it was Mexican food? 
Mr. R: The logo was round.

RE: Uh-oh, Who's Fooling Who?

"This guy would pop up with all these chains...like Mr.T...but black." - Mr. R describing the black slot machine

Sunday, August 28, 2016

RE: I'm Going To Rush Away From Here

Woman: I thought they always had Teddy Roosevelt wearing glasses.
Man: How would they put the glass on there?
Woman: I don't know, I just thought they had them up there.

-Overheard at Mount Rushmore

RE: What Words Mean


RE: A Need For Speed

Highway sign: Missile Drive Exit 10
Me: Now there's the highway to the danger zone. 

Thursday, August 25, 2016

RE: Wyatt Derp

Me, regarding Deadwood, SD: What is Kevin Costner's place called?
The Hubby: Gambles with Wolves. 

Monday, August 8, 2016

RE: Do They Go To School For These Lines?

"The former USC star patrolling like a sand panther tonight in the backcourt!" - Olympic commentator regarding April Ross' beach volleyball skills

Sunday, May 1, 2016

RE: The Thirst

Precious Gem: Do we have any of that alligator left?
My Brother: What alligator?
Precious Gem: That little blue drink.
My Brother: Oh, Gatorade?

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

RE: Sounds Reasonable

Friend's Preschooler: Mommy, how long did it take for the hospital to get the baby out?
Friend: What baby, Baby K?
Preschooler: Yeah, Baby K.
Friend: A few hours.
Preschooler: I can respect that.

RE: Cream And Sugar?

Precious Gem: Daddy, you getting a coffee?
Mini-Me: Of course, Daddy runs on Dunkin.

Friday, March 25, 2016

RE: Cruise? No, Cruz

Me: There's a sex scandal with Cruz.
The Hubby: Tom [Cruise]?
Me: No, Ted.
The Hubby: That just shows just how non-sexual I think he is.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

RE: His Shit Does Stink

"I need one of those Febreze air fresheners to stick on my nose when Trump is on TV." - Mr. R.

Monday, February 29, 2016

RE: And She Would Know

"One of my cousins is still 3, but she acts like a 4 year old." - Precious Gem, age 4

Sunday, February 28, 2016

RE: Excedrin May Or May Not Be Written All Over It

"I feel like I have a headache everyday. But I don't really feel like that." - overheard by Stella in a public restroom

Thursday, January 14, 2016

RE: I Thought He Was Just Graying

My brother was watching the Republican Presidential Debate with my 4-year-old niece:

Precious Gem: Who's that guy?
My Brother: Ben Carson.
Precious Gem: His head looks like a hedgehog.