Sunday, June 24, 2012

RE: A Real Nowhere...

"If your going to live in the middle of nowhere, you should live in a middle of nowhere house" - Sally when we drove by newly built houses outside a small town

Monday, June 18, 2012

RE: He's Also The Running Mate

Guy: My car has a sticker that says, "Vote Satan."
The Hubby: I didn't realize he was running.
Guy: He's always running in some form, right?

Saturday, June 16, 2012

RE: Does Pantene Make That?

"My hair smells like Facebook." - What Stella thinks she overheard at a comic convention

Thursday, June 14, 2012

RE: Glad It's Not A Scratch-N-Sniff

"Kristen Stewart looks like she reeks of STDs." - Stella while looking through a magazine

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

RE: Body Of Plastic

"I don't know what's going to happen between me and Jesus Barbie." - Tamra on "Real Housewives of Orange County"

Sunday, June 10, 2012

RE: It All Depends

"I have a hard enough time keeping from shitting myself as it is." - Me on why I don't plan to run a marathon

Saturday, June 9, 2012

RE: A Job Well Done

"I basically just told a rep he can "bite me" in an email.  These reps are lucky I don't live anywhere near them...I would find their house and shit on their front door." - Stella

Friday, June 8, 2012

RE: What More Do You Need To Know?

Text from Birdman:

We have a page on the intranet that introduces new employees, includes a photo and a blurb--a bio, what their job will be, etc.  One recent new employee's blurb is 3 sentences about his glass eye, nothing more.

RE: Say Please

Text from Stella:

In the parking lot at Lowe's guy says to his wife, "Don't forget to put my balls back!"

Thursday, June 7, 2012

RE: You Talkin' To Me?

Scrubs: [Mini-Me], what did you ask me??
Mini-Me: Nothing, Mommy.  I think you're hearing voices in your head.



Monday, June 4, 2012

RE: Maybe An English Teacher Is In Order


Teresa: So, I get a text from my brother yesterday.  After what happened at Kathy's he says maybe we should go see a physical therapist together.
Jacqueline: Uh you mean a therapist.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

RE: Gold Medal For Spectating

Birdman: When do the Olympics start?
Stella: August.
Birdman: What about the Animal Olympics?  Ever watch that?
Stella: Yeah...in the 80s.
Birdman: I watched the shit out of that show.