Wednesday, November 30, 2011

RE: Air Travel Can Be Very Risky

"Chick with no eyebrows freaking me out. 1 dirty hippy will be on my flight. Hope he doesn't sit next to me. Probably smells like patchouli and angst. And a dog that looks like a dead Betty White afro will be on my flight. I really think its dead..." And, a few hours later: "The guy sitting next to me spent 2.5 hours picking shit off his back and putting it on his tray table. Then he proceeded to dig in his nose for the rest of the time. Sooo skeeved out...I actually retched a bit. He kept elbowing my fat roll when he was picking his back." - Stella about her adventures in flying

Monday, November 28, 2011

RE: It's A Cleveland Thing

"I want to punch myself in the face for even watching the Browns today..." - Stella after a Cleveland Browns' loss

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Friday, November 25, 2011

RE: Eye Rogaine

"Now that's too much Latisse!" - The Hubby after seeing Lady Gaga in this video (not how she looks in the frozen image below):

Monday, November 21, 2011

RE: Now That's Fast?

"My heart is pounding a million times a mile." - One of the wives on "Sister Wives"

Sunday, November 20, 2011

RE: An Oldie But Goodie

"Just think people all over the world will be sitting down to turkey dinners today!!" - My step-grandma, years ago; we didn't burst her vision of world unity

Friday, November 18, 2011

RE: Some Words Mean More Than One Thing

The Hubby: I once backhanded a guy in the temple.
My immediate thought: What were you doing in a Jewish place of worship?

Thursday, November 17, 2011

RE: Potato, Potahto

"I need to get some of that Chinese." - Miley Bieber walking by SAKRU JAPAN at the food court

Saturday, November 12, 2011

RE: Now That's Dedication

"Each fry is whittled down from a whole potato, by hand." - The Hubby on how hand-cut potatoes are made

RE: Rock & Roll All Nite On The Highway To Hell

Pi overheard one student telling another student that KISS and AC/DC are the same band.  But, only called KISS when in make-up.

RE: 8 Year Old Angst

"I can't wait for [Mini-Me] to feel the pains of being an older sister!!!" - Cinderella having a moment with her little sister

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

RE: What Happened To 8 Is Enough?

Stella: The Duggar mom is pregnant again?!?!
Me: Fuck no!
Stella: My vagina hurts just thinking about it.
Me: Hers is a giant callous, I'm sure.
Stella: Totally gross.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

RE: Proud To Be An American

"Do you know which country is the only country that isn't Americanized?  Africa." - Overheard by Stella at a dinner party

Saturday, November 5, 2011

RE: Seen But Not Heard

So, this isn't a quote post, but it is really something that I feel needs to be written about and shared.  I was in the restroom at a movie theater.  It was after some movies let out, so it was busy in there.  The first thing to happen was a loud ringtone going off and a woman a couple stalls down answers it and starts a conversation.  I will never understand this, especially when a whole bunch of toilets start flushing mid-conversation.  It's annoying but not gross, I know.

Let me get to the second experience.  I leave my stall and walk toward the sinks.  I pass a lady coming out of another stall.  She is carrying a large bag popcorn and eating it.  She stops and continues to eat while another lady exits another stall, also eating from a large bag of popcorn.  The two of them proceed to the exit of the restroom, walking right by the sinks with post-bathroom-use-hands digging in the bags.

Finally, phone lady comes out and is holding the phone and talking, with no move toward the sinks.

The reason I was able to witness all of this: I WAS WASHING MY HANDS!!!

RE: The Official Food Of Poland

"I'm from Poland, mushrooms are important to me." - Woman on "Kitchen Nightmares"

RE: What's UP?

"Oh boy!  My underwear wedged so far up my butt, I need surgery to remove it." -  Holla when walking/jogging a dog