Sunday, September 29, 2013

RE: Mine Eyes Have Seen...

"I understand that Chris Christie has lost a lot of weight, but he needs to stop tucking his shirt in and jacking his pants up over his floppy FUPA. He is offending America's eyes. Lady Liberty weeps and barfs." - message from Stella

Thursday, September 26, 2013

RE: Unpatriotic Kitty

Again, from Stella:

I just had to yell at [one of her cats]: "STOP ATTACKING CAPTAIN AMERICA!!!" He keeps chewing on Birdman's action figures.

RE: I'll Never Eat A BUTTerFINGER Again

Text Conversation between Stella and Birdman that Stella shared with me:

Stella: I had a dream last night that you were rubbing my back and stuck your finger in my pooper. 
Birdman: Gross. That doesn't sound like something i'd do. Did you enjoy it? 
Stella: No...I was horrified. I made you go wash your hands. YOU seemed to enjoy it and see nothing wrong with executing a surprise digital anal invasion. 
Birdman: Hah! Sounds more like a nightmare than a dream. 
Stella: It was disturbing. P.S. Keep yo' fingas out my hole. 
Birdman: All set for [restaurant name]. My mom will be by around 5:30. 
Stella: Okey dokey, buttfinger. 
Birdman: Henceforth, you shall only address me as buttfinger. 
Stella: Will do.

Monday, September 16, 2013

RE: Her Own Personal...

"[Precious Gem]'s my psychic!" - Mini-Me talking about her little sister but meaning "side-kick"

Sunday, September 15, 2013

RE: Sentenced To Learn

Stella was watching "Lockup" on MSNBC and heard an inmate say: If I could describe the yard in one word, I would say, "A toilet bowl waiting to be flushed."

Saturday, September 14, 2013

RE: Sharing The Load

"[Cinderella], c'mon!  This dishwasher isn't going to load itself!!!" - Mini-Me (age 6) to Cinderella (age 10)

RE: Conserving Energy

Birdman looking through TCM movie line up: Oooo!! "Logan's Run"...that's a good one.
Stella: It is.
Birdman sets it to record
Stella: Why are you recording it?  You have it on DVD.
Birdman: I dunno.  So I don't have to put the disc in.

RE: Outfit Of Choice

"Is he on some kind of punishment right now or are those his actual clothes?" - The Hubby when he saw Andy on "Big Brother" wearing this outfit (The knee socks have brightly colored stripes):

Photo: Lisette M. Azar/CBS ©2013 CBS Broadcasting, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

RE: Jolly Roger

The Hubby and I were messaging about our new neighbors, an older, retired couple.  The man is always tinkering around and grabbing tools out of the garage.

Me: Roger's working in the basement.  Hammering away.
The Hubby: Hammering on Shirley?
Me: Is that her name?
The Hubby: I think so.  Surely he's giving her a rogering.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Sunday, September 1, 2013

RE: Disturbing Marketing

Cherry image for cherry topping
Apple image for apple topping
Elephant's butt image for hot fudge topping?

RE: The Human Speed Bag

"That guy has the most punch-able face." - The Hubby when seeing McCrae on "Big Brother"