I Better Write That Down

Email from my mom:  A conversation [Precious Gem] and I had today. Precious Gem:  So Grandma, is my Dad my real Dad or my Step-Dad? Me: He's your real Dad. Precious Gem:  So who's my Step-Dad? Me: You don't have a Step-Dad. Precious Gem: Why not? Then I attempted to explain what it means to have a Step-Dad the best I could so she could understand. After all this she says, "Well [friend] has a real Dad and a Step-Dad." I then tried to explain why she does.  She is too much!

Precious Gem: Do we have any of that alligator left? My Brother: What alligator? Precious Gem: That little blue drink. My Brother: Oh, Gatorade?

Friend's son: I need a ton of hugs. Friend: That's okay. I ordered three tons so I have a ton to share. Friend's son: But hugs are free! I know you didn't have to pay for them. Friend: There are probably people out there who charge for hugs. Friend's son: Hugstitutes.

"Snowveralls" - snow pants according to a friend's 1st grader

2nd Cousin: Mom, you know what twerking is.  Ex-Cousin-in-law: Twerking?  Is that having sex? 2nd Cousin: No.  Ex-Cousin-in-law: Is that pooping? 2nd Cousin: No. Let me show you a video...

Scrubs: Wasting an entire weekend sick as a dog...I don't really know what that means.  I'm looking at my dog right now and he looks way happier and healthier than me. Me: But he also poops outside and sniffs crotches, so sick as a dog may have to do with the mental types of illnesses.

"We could all watch the Justin Bieber movie.  That would be some good bondage." - Miley Bieber on team BONDING, not bondage