Wednesday, November 27, 2013

RE: Vocab Lesson

2nd Cousin: Mom, you know what twerking is. 
Ex-Cousin-in-law: Twerking?  Is that having sex?
2nd Cousin: No. 
Ex-Cousin-in-law: Is that pooping?
2nd Cousin: No. Let me show you a video...

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

RE: These Are Not The Hills You're Looking For

Text from Stella:

Doing a search on our tv for "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and "DDD REAL BOOBS AND SQUISHY VULVAS 6" come up.  Seriously....#6?

Monday, November 25, 2013

RE: Probably Not Getting The Job

Phone call my cousin received at work:

Job candidate: Hello [cousin's name]? I went today to take my drug screen and I tried and tried to pee but I couldn't. They told me to call you. What should I do?
Cousin: Uhhhh drink a lot of water and go back?

Sunday, November 17, 2013

RE: Waste Of Cake

Stella: You can have some apple pie if you want. 
Birdman: There's cake, too, right? 
Stella: Oh yeah...there are feces of cake left. 
Birdman: Feces of cake?! 
Stella: Yep..but totally meant pieces.

RE: Legume Rights Campaign

"It freaks me out that the Planters Peanut guy wears a monocle and encourages us to genocidally eat all the other peanuts. He's a monster." - Stella's brother

Thursday, November 7, 2013

RE: Super Size Me Heroes

Another message from Stella:

Quote from my dream: 'Why does He-Man look awesome after 30 years but Batman looks 90% fat clown?'  Don't know who said it but there was a cartoon drawing of a bunch of super heroes... and Batman DID look like a fat clown.  You would think I smoke crack and go to sleep with the dreams I have sometimes.
Stella's illustration of the Batman in her dream.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

RE: You'd Be OK At Walmart, However

"I was just in the middle of Walgreens before I realized I should check to see if I was wearing pants. Lucky for the public, I was." - Message from Stella