Saturday, March 25, 2017
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
Monday, March 20, 2017
"Hello, and welcome to Carlo's Shitty Wig Emporium, home of the world's most atrocious hairpieces."
"Hey, wig guy, I'm Gene Simmons. You probably know me from being a world-class douche nozzle."
"Aren't you in KISS?"
"Yeah, that's my side gig. Listen, what I'm looking for is a wig that will make my head look like the head of a penis. Just a big, mushroom-like dome."
"Hmm. An unusual request. May I interest you in this one, that looks like a massive spider orgy?"
"No, I had my heart set on the cock head."
"Ah, here's a popular one. It looks like a cotton candy cow pie. We call it 'El Presidente.'"
"Look, wig dude, you're not listening to me. I want my wig to reflect the contents of my pants and the contents of my soul. I want to look like a walking prick."
"I see. Well, I'll have to order it special for you."
"That's what I want. Unless... Can you make my head look like a literal asshole? Like a big, hairy anus?"
"I'm afraid that's beyond the capabilities of modern wig technology."
"Okay, then, dickhead it is."
"Very good, sir. I just need to take some measurements..."
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Saturday, March 4, 2017
Today, as I was walking [The Doggie], we came upon a woman with 4 small children. I took [The Doggie] of the path and onto the grass as we approached. When we passed the group, one of the kids asked to pet [The Doggie]. I told him it probably wasn't a good idea because [The Doggie] isn't always good around little kids. Then, after we were already passed, I hear a little voice say, "But I'm 6."
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Email from Wonder Woman: