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Showing posts from March, 2017

RE: "Hair, flow it, show it/Long as God can grow, my hair"

https://blogs-images.forbes.com/danschawbel/files/2012/10/GeneSimmons-199x300.jpg?width=960 "Hello, and welcome to Carlo's Shitty Wig Emporium, home of the world's most atrocious hairpieces." "Hey, wig guy, I'm Gene Simmons. You probably know me from b eing a world-class douche nozzle." "Aren't you in KISS?" "Yeah, that's my side gig. Listen, what I'm looking for is a wig that will make my head look like the head of a penis. Just a big, mushroom-like dome." "Hmm. An unusual request. May I interest you in this one, that looks like a massive spider orgy?" "No, I had my heart set on the cock head." "Ah, here's a popular one. It looks like a cotton candy cow pie. We call it 'El Presidente.'" "Look, wig dude, you're not listening to me. I want my wig to reflect the contents of my pants and the contents of my soul. I want to look like a walking prick."

RE: Well, You Do Have A Point

Today, as I was walking [The Doggie], we came upon a woman with 4 small children. I took  [The Doggie]  of the path and onto the grass as we approached. When we passed the group, one of the kids asked to pet   [The Doggie]. I told him it probably wasn't a good idea because   [The Doggie]  isn't always good around little kids. Then, after we were already passed, I hear a little voice say, "But I'm 6."

RE: Nothing To See Here

Email from Wonder Woman: "Today, Hockey Girl asked [Precious Gem] if she had a boyfriend. [Precious Gem] giggled and [Hockey Girl] said, 'I bet you do. What's his name?' [Precious Gem] came back with, 'His name is 'zero' cuz I don't have one.' Good One."