Monday, March 20, 2017

RE: "Hair, flow it, show it/Long as God can grow, my hair"

"Hello, and welcome to Carlo's Shitty Wig Emporium, home of the world's most atrocious hairpieces."
"Hey, wig guy, I'm Gene Simmons. You probably know me from being a world-class douche nozzle."
"Aren't you in KISS?"
"Yeah, that's my side gig. Listen, what I'm looking for is a wig that will make my head look like the head of a penis. Just a big, mushroom-like dome."
"Hmm. An unusual request. May I interest you in this one, that looks like a massive spider orgy?"
"No, I had my heart set on the cock head."
"Ah, here's a popular one. It looks like a cotton candy cow pie. We call it 'El Presidente.'"
"Look, wig dude, you're not listening to me. I want my wig to reflect the contents of my pants and the contents of my soul. I want to look like a walking prick."
"I see. Well, I'll have to order it special for you."
"That's what I want. Unless... Can you make my head look like a literal asshole? Like a big, hairy anus?"
"I'm afraid that's beyond the capabilities of modern wig technology."
"Okay, then, dickhead it is."
"Very good, sir. I just need to take some measurements..."

No comments:

Post a Comment