Friday, October 24, 2014

RE: Lady Madonna

"Do you think Lady Gaga's the version of Madonna you can buy in Chinatown?" - Billy Eichner on "Billy on the Street"

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

RE: Is This Why Buddha Gets His Belly Rubbed?

From a friend about her substitute teaching gig of the day:

"Miss, since it didn't work the first time, should I rub my belly when I poop?"

A quick summary of my day teaching first and second grade.

I told her she could do what she wants but I didn't know if it would work. She came back and informed me that it does work and I should try it.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

RE: I Can't Even

Various calls a friend from high school has had to deal with lately:

Freckles: And what is your relationship to the deceased?
Customer: I didn't have relations with my niece. WTH?!
Freckles: That was not the question, sir. Who are you in bereavement for?
Customer: I ain't gotta answer that until they die.
Freckles: [Why me?]

***

Freckles: When was your last day of work?
Customer: I don't know. Hell, I wasn't there.
Freckles: Clearly.

***

Customer: Why do I need a Doctor to fill out FMLA papers? He doesn't think I have asthma.
Freckles: Do you have asthma?
Customer: Yeah! I limp and shit.
Freckles: Ok.

RE: Yes, Yes It Is

Me: "The 7 Little Johnstons"?  Oh, god.
The Hubby: Is that the X-rated version of "Snow White"?

RE: We Are All Adults Here

Stella, The Hubby, and me texting when I found out my dad didn't have a blood clot in his leg. 

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

RE: Now That Is Really Down Under

"You are not the C Word, you are an insignificant ass hair." - Gina Liano to Andrea Moss on "The Real Housewives of Melbourne"