Thursday, May 29, 2014

RE: AWK-WARD

The Hubby: We just had the most amazingly awkward all-hands-meeting. For some unfathomable reason, our [VP So-and-so] did this stupid interpretive dance skit. It was painful.
Me: Wait, was it a joke?
The Hubby: Yeah, it was intended to be funny.
Me: Oh man...so even as a joke, it didn't work out well?
The Hubby: Well, people were laughing, but all of the guys on my team just found it to be painfully awkward. I can't even imagine what possessed him to do it.  And it was planned out and rehearsed. He had a costume and music and everything.
Me: NO
The Hubby: Oh yeah.  It was so bad, David Brent wouldn't have done it.
Me: OMG!!!

Monday, May 26, 2014

RE: The X(crement)-Men

Stella: I took such a massive shit today that I think I shat out meals I haven't even eaten yet.
Me: HA!
Stella: Shits of Future Past.
Me: NICE!

Friday, May 23, 2014

RE: Fairy Gardens

Stella: For fucks sake...Every time I buy a tiny plant, some fuck face asks me if I am making a fairy garden.* Do I look like the kind of person who would make a fucking fairy garden? 
Birdman: Because you're a LAY-DEE**, and you like LAY-DEE things like fairy gardens & kittens & shit.

*I was unaware of fairy gardens being a thing so I googled it.
**Birdman is referencing Emily Howard, a character from "Little Britain."

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

RE: Quick Thinking

"Some weirdo* came in to do a drug test at my work today. When I picked the urine sample up off the table (not even 2 minutes after he left it) it was cold to the touch. When I told him I couldn't accept the sample, he said (and I kid you not) that he 'drank a lot of ice water' before he came in." - Facebook post by a friend 

*Could this be the same person?