Thursday, March 29, 2012

RE: Takes The Cake...The Dump Cake

"Ok, so, I'm walking in the Metroparks and I just came around the bend to start heading up Hell Hill as I call it. Coming toward me, down the hill,is an older guy. Because I'm a nice fucking person, I always smile and nod to fellow walkers, runners, bikers, crazy rollerbladers, etc. A crazy psycho may think twice about killing me if I'm nice to them. Anyway, the old guy and I exchange "good mornings" and I continue hauling my fat ass up Hell Hill. Hell Hill winds up the side of a cliff and I can see the path that I was just on below me. So, I'm huffing and puffing my way up and I look down and I see the old guy flashing me his ass. I'm like "Oh. My. God. Is he a perv flashing me?! Its his ass and not the front junk, but it's still a flash...holy crap!!" Then I look closer and I see that he is making dump cake right there off the side of the path! His feet are on the path still and he is sort of in this 3/4 squat just dropping a load right there! And that section of the path is right by a parking lot! So, I'm this point, I am laughing so hard I'm about to roll down Hell Hill. I could NOT believe what I had just witnessed. So, I get to the top of the hill and head back down and past the old guy's pooping spot and that bastard had left his pile of shit encrusted paper towels right there on the side of the path...well, one was about 5 feet from were he marked his territory and the other wad was on the OTHER SIDE of the path. It's like he wiped his ass just threw the paper towels in the air and ran away. I continued the next mile alternating between laughing and gagging. I really thought the guy I saw last week in just skimpy running shorts and bare feet scratching his naked back up and down a tree just off the path like a god-damn grizzly bear was the one sighting that takes the cake but Old Man Pooper just one upped that weirdo." - E-mail from Stella

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