Sunday, September 13, 2015

RE: Oh Snap, Tackle, and Stella's Pop

And so begin the football season messages from Stella:

Our QB is already out with a concussion. Johnny F'n Football is in already. The first Browns extra point attempt took 3 times with 3 flags that took it back to a 48 yard attempt. I'm shocked the kicker's leg didn't fall off. My parents are already not speaking to each other. Welcome to Browns Football 2015.
Browns Sunday:
Getting my dad a foil hat for Christmas. He truly believes all games are fixed.
My dad just called the ref an "assburg." Me: Did you just call him an assburg? My dad: I dunno. Does it matter?
Jets player injured. Being taken off on backboard. My mom points at the tv and says "Look how cute!" I was brought up by savages.
My dad: You have no chance at winning. Just injure all of them. Kill them all.
My mom is now in on the conspiracy theory. 
I said to my dad: You two are really in shitty moods today. My dad: It's football season.
Announcer: It's beginning to rain here in East Rutherford. My dad: No. That's just the tears of the Browns fans.

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