I Better Write That Down

The Doggie: Hey, can you give me some feedback on my standup routine? The Hubby: Sure, let's hear what you've got. The Doggie: Okay. (ahem) So, the other day I was trying to buy a new stereo. I go into the store, and there's this bird-- The Hubby: Let me stop you right there. Is this going to involve woofers and tweeters? The Doggie: ...yeah... The Hubby: I'd stay away from puns. Got anything else? The Doggie: Uh, how about this... You ever notice how Irish setters sniff butts like "It's time for a weeeee bit o' the butt sniffin'" and German shepherds sniff butts like "Ja! Now is ze time to sniffen ze butts!" The Hubby: Eh... The Doggie: Too breedist? The Hubby: Well, kinda, but it's also really hacky. Like, that's 1985 open mic material. The accents were good, though! The Doggie: Oh... The Hubby: Hey, don't be discouraged. Just keep working at it, and I'm sure you'll come up with something! The Doggie: Okay. Actual...

The Hubby posting again: The Doggie on a walk: I'm gonna pee on this, and I'm gonna pee on this, and I'm gonna pee on this, and I'm gonna pee on this, and... The Doggie in the back yard, while I'm waiting to go to bed: Should I pee here? No, that's not right. How about here? No... Oh, I know, I'll pee right h-- nope, that's not it either... Hmm...

Posted by The Hubby: The Doggie, hearing literally any noise outside: Oh my god, there's someone out there! Battle stations! They're trying to get us! Why aren't you freaking out, this is serious! I'll try to scare them off by growling and barking! The Doggie, when literally anyone comes into the house: Oh my god, company! Hi, hi there! Come in! Hello, hi! I'm so happy to see you, hello! Here, have a stuffed animal!

The Doggie: Hold on, I'm gonna poop. The Hubby: Okay. The Doggie: Just let me get into position, and... psych! The Hubby: ? The Doggie: I'm not going to poop there, ha ha! It was a prank! The Hubby: How is that a prank? The Doggie: You just got [Doggied], son! Ha ha ha! The Hubby: Okay... The Doggie: Ha ha ha ha! Hoooo boy... I can't believe you fell for that! The Hubby: Whatever. Let's go. The Doggie: Hold on, I'm gonna poop.