I Better Write That Down

White House Press Briefing. Sarah Huckabee Sanders: The President would like MSNBC and CNN to know that he is rubber and you are glue and whatever you say bounces off him and sticks to you.

Found this oldie the other day: The Doggie: Gosh, mom, why'd we have to come inside? Me: Because it's cold and pouring rain. We were out long enough. The Doggie: But [Neighbor] and his dad were still out there. Me: [Neighbor] and his dad are human adults. They can make that decision for themselves. The Doggie: But you're a human adult. Me: Yes, so I make the decisions for both of us. The Doggie: I wish I was a human adult. Wait until Dad gets home. Me: Ha! He's more strict than me. You'll be lucky to even get out the door. The Doggie: [angst ridden sigh]

"I don't like fancy ketchup. I like some good ol' Hanes." - Me being, well, me

Today, as I was walking [The Doggie], we came upon a woman with 4 small children. I took  [The Doggie]  of the path and onto the grass as we approached. When we passed the group, one of the kids asked to pet   [The Doggie]. I told him it probably wasn't a good idea because   [The Doggie]  isn't always good around little kids. Then, after we were already passed, I hear a little voice say, "But I'm 6."

I often drive by a Burger King which says, "Flame grilling since 1954" on one side of the building. I always think, "I think it's done now. You can stop grilling it." I'm a dork. - Me

Me: Who was Parker Posey? The Hubby: The rough looking one. Me: OMG! I thought that was Elizabeth Banks. [awkward pause] Don't tell Elizabeth Banks. - After watching "Mascots"

The Hubby: Want to watch "American Horror Story"? Me: Sure. I'm pretty sure that's what I've been watching all week on MSNBC.

Highway sign: Missile Drive Exit 10 Me: Now there's the highway to the danger zone. 

Me: There's a sex scandal with Cruz. The Hubby: Tom [Cruise]? Me: No, Ted. The Hubby: That just shows just how non-sexual I think he is.

Me: I love when Bernie says, "Mooslums." Stella: He's so quaint. Like a Vermont Teddy Bear Company product. Me: I was thinking more like a Bovine Skid-row Stella: Like cows dressed like Skid Row? Me: Like cows in slums Stella: Ha! That's better than a cow version of Skid Row. Me: I don't know, that could be pretty hilarious. Stella: Hits like I Remember Moo and 18 Acres to Life.

Me: So, the Dem Debate had a commercial and came back with Hillary missing....I think she was stuck in the bathroom taking a shit. At least, that's what I choose to think. Stella: Ha! That would happen to me! Then I would return with the "poop sweats" showing. Me: I'd have tucked something in my pants and/or have toilet paper stuck to me. Stella: My strategy would be to not wipe well so I stink and throw everyone else off their game. Me: HA! Stella: I hate that the Democratic debates are on Saturday nights. I forget they are on. Is Hilary wearing a carpet? Me: I only realized because of Facebook and Twitter. "Patton Oswalt ‏@pattonoswalt 2 hours ago Hillary looking fetching in her Ann Taylor Loft "Shaved Chewbacca" sweater frock! #DemDebate". Stella: Yes! My first thought was Berber carpet from Home Depot. Me: I thought burlap sack Stella: Burlap Sac Chic. OMG! Check out @pattonoswalt's Tweet: "We must use Keith Richards to absor...

For some background, Stella has an amazing wookiee impersonation skill. Below is a group chat between The Hubby, Stella, Birdman, and me. The Hubby: [Stella], here's an opportunity for a little side gig : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mH0ZOVT2st8&feature=youtu.be Stella: Dammit...do you guys really think I could work the wookie sexy sex hotline? The Hubby: Totally. Stella: Maybe I can start it up in [Suburb]. There are a couple storefronts that up for rent. The Hubby: The beauty of a phone sex line is you can work from home! Stella: I don't want to mix our home life with my phone sex life. Me: Good point.

Me: Why do you have freckles? Precious Gem: So I can look like [Precious Gem] {sassy head shake} ...I almost said [Mini-Me]. 

"Rompers are the enemy of the bladder. They are also a potty training nightmare. They set kids up to fail because even if the kid makes it to the bathroom, they may still have an accident trying to get the damn thing off." - Me

Me: Shelly went to a Billy Joel concert. She got an autographed drum stick and got to go backstage and meet him. He signed her arm and she got it turned into a tattoo. The Hubby: Why a drum stick? Me: I guess it was just something he could easily throw out into the crowd. The Hubby: Is she a big Billy Joel fan? Me: Oh yeah, huge! When she was young she had spiky hair and everything. The Hubby {Not really understanding what having spiky hair had to do with Billy Joel.}: I guess it was safer to throw out drum sticks than autographed pianos. Me: Did he play the piano? The Hubby {What? He's the Piano Man!}: Billy Joel? Me: Billy Idol! The Hubby: Oh! Well that makes a lot more sense. (Not sure I said the wrong name, or if he heard the wrong name, but either way, it was worth a good laugh.)

Me: Apparently Lisa Rinna is joining RHBH ("The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"). Stella: Is there room for her lips? Me: My thoughts! They freak me out.  But, Taylor hasn't been around, so I guess she's FILLING a gap. Stella: She probably smells like plastic and shiny sticky lip gloss. Me: And Harry Hamlin's spunk Stella: Yes. That combo seems like a perfume Candie's would produce.

Me: "The 7 Little Johnstons"?  Oh, god. The Hubby: Is that the X-rated version of "Snow White"?

Stella, The Hubby, and me texting when I found out my dad didn't have a blood clot in his leg. 

Here's a Facebook conversation between me and my cousins based on finding out Aviva Drescher was fired from "The Real Housewives of New York City."  At the end of the season, Aviva tossed her prosthetic leg across a table.  Cousin 1 posted the link on Cousin 2's Facebook page.  For background, Cousin 2 just had surgery for Crohn's Disease to get a colostomy bag. Cousin 1 post:  http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/aviva-drescher-fired-from-real-housewives-of-new-york-201459 Cousin 2 comment: Good, she was an idiot. My comment: LOVE THIS! [Cousin 2], looks like they have an opening! ;) Cousin 2 comment: She has her crazy leg and now I can have my bag! My comment: NICE! Cousin 1 comment: Just don't throw it at anyone...or do. My comment: OMG! So, I was just thinking of Ramona 's reaction to getting water splashed on her, imagine...  

"I'll probably be in jail before my court date." - Overheard by The Hubby and me at the table next to us at a restaurant