I Better Write That Down

Friend: [Daughter], stop playing with the water, you are wasting it. Daughter: But I'm washing my feet. Friend:You don't need to wash your feet you just took a bath. Daughter: But I just got off the toilet. Friend: There is no reason to wash your feet when you get off the toilet. Daughter: But I was standing on the toilet to go potty Friend: Uh, why? Daughter: I stand on the toilet when it's hard to poop; it makes it easier. Friend: Who told you to do that? Daughter: I just thought of it, seemed like it would work. Friend: Does it? Daughter: Really good. Friend: Carry on.

A story from a former co-worker: I just overheard a conversation between two teenagers working at Walgreens and I'm still reeling! Teenager A: "I am really confused about what you use a W2 for in the first place." Teenager B: "I think it's to file taxes, but I just threw mine away because I pay all my taxes up front when I buy things..."

Me: Shelly went to a Billy Joel concert. She got an autographed drum stick and got to go backstage and meet him. He signed her arm and she got it turned into a tattoo. The Hubby: Why a drum stick? Me: I guess it was just something he could easily throw out into the crowd. The Hubby: Is she a big Billy Joel fan? Me: Oh yeah, huge! When she was young she had spiky hair and everything. The Hubby {Not really understanding what having spiky hair had to do with Billy Joel.}: I guess it was safer to throw out drum sticks than autographed pianos. Me: Did he play the piano? The Hubby {What? He's the Piano Man!}: Billy Joel? Me: Billy Idol! The Hubby: Oh! Well that makes a lot more sense. (Not sure I said the wrong name, or if he heard the wrong name, but either way, it was worth a good laugh.)

"I just cried more into my banana pillow." - Sally, telling a story about her childhood that involved an actual banana being found in her pillow

"And my daughter just informed me that there was jelly coming out of her nose. Best description of a bloody nose ever. In fact, I'm going to officially adopt it." - Facebook post by a former coworker

Screen shots Stella sent me: With a friend: With Mr. R: