I Better Write That Down

The Hubby: Come on, Buddy, it's dark out. The Doggie: All the more reason to be vigilant. I may not be the hero {insert city} deserves, but I'm the hero it needs right now.

Doggie and The Hubby on a walk... Doggie: Hang on, I'm going to poop. The Hubby: Okay. Doggie: Okay, this is a good spot. Let me just... The Hubby: Hang on, don't do it there. Come over here a ways. Doggie: Oh, I shouldn't poop? The Hubby: Yes, go ahead, I just didn't want you to do it over there, right next to those people's window. Just do it over here. Doggie: I see, no pooping then. The Hubby: What? No, you can poop, just not over there. Go ahead. Doggie: I understand. I won't poop then. The Hubby: Why are you being like this? I think you're being passive-aggressive. Doggie: I don't know what that is. It sounds like a human thing. The Hubby: Are you going to poop or what? Doggie: No need. The Hubby: -sigh- Fine. Twenty minutes later, at home... Doggie: Take me out, I need to poop. *** Another walk with Doggie... Doggie: GRRRRR The Hubby: What's the matter? Doggie: I hate those guys so much! The Hubby: Who? You mean tho

The Doggie: >HRK< I'm gonna >HRK< throw up! Here, I'll put it on the carpet. The Hubby: Wait, do it on this tissue! The Doggie: Get that out of my way, I can't >HRK< get to the carpet! HORK-GRK-GRAAAAH! There, made a nice big pile! The Hubby: Goddammit. The Doggie: Hey, there's more! >HRK< I'll make a new pile over here. The Hubby: Don't do it over there, put it here with the rest! The Doggie: HUUURGHHH! Woo, I didn't realize how much I had in me! The Hubby: ... The Doggie: Oh man, trifecta! >HRK< The Hubby: No, wait-- The Doggie: HHHHURK! The Hubby: Great, now there are three piles of vomit on the carpet. The Doggie: I know! Nice, right?

White House Press Briefing. Sarah Huckabee Sanders: The President would like MSNBC and CNN to know that he is rubber and you are glue and whatever you say bounces off him and sticks to you.

Commercial for a new show with Lisa Welchel comes on. It's in the time slot of a show my dad hates. My R: Good!! That means that angel shit won't be on anymore.  Stella: Touched By An Angel?  M. R: Yeah. I hate that goddamn show.

"That guy died a long time ago. He just doesn't have the sense to lie down." - Mr. R on Wilbur Ross