I Better Write That Down

White House Press Briefing. Sarah Huckabee Sanders: The President would like MSNBC and CNN to know that he is rubber and you are glue and whatever you say bounces off him and sticks to you.

Commercial for a new show with Lisa Welchel comes on. It's in the time slot of a show my dad hates. My R: Good!! That means that angel shit won't be on anymore.  Stella: Touched By An Angel?  M. R: Yeah. I hate that goddamn show.

"That guy died a long time ago. He just doesn't have the sense to lie down." - Mr. R on Wilbur Ross

"Your farts are your poop’s cry to get out." - The Hubby

The Hubby: Can you hurry? It's cold out here! The Doggie: I don't feel cold. The Hubby: You're covered in fur! The Doggie: Well, maybe you should have worn something warmer than shorts and flip flops... The Hubby: My pants and shoes were all the way upstairs! The Doggie: How am I the one on the leash?

Guy in store: Excuse me, what do you use for TV service? The Hubby: Oh, we’re Amish.

Mila Stauffer (4 yrs. old): What's gravy? Emma Stauffer (4 yrs. old): It's like turkey sauce. There YouTube Channel