I Better Write That Down

My brother was watching the Republican Presidential Debate with my 4-year-old niece: Precious Gem: Who's that guy? My Brother: Ben Carson. Precious Gem: His head looks like a hedgehog.

Me: I love when Bernie says, "Mooslums." Stella: He's so quaint. Like a Vermont Teddy Bear Company product. Me: I was thinking more like a Bovine Skid-row Stella: Like cows dressed like Skid Row? Me: Like cows in slums Stella: Ha! That's better than a cow version of Skid Row. Me: I don't know, that could be pretty hilarious. Stella: Hits like I Remember Moo and 18 Acres to Life.

Mr. R was reading to one of Mr. R, Jr.'s kids.  Mr. R, Jr. comments, "The best part is how he makes up his own stories. Wacky Wednesday is now about bad kids smoking dope behind Convenient."

Mr. R: If the Hallmark Channel doesn't go back to showing my "Columbo" soon instead of these goddamn feel good Christmas movies I'm going to storm their headquarters.  Stella: Haven't you seen all the "Columbo"s like 15 times?  Mr. R: So what!

[Suburb name] City announcement board: SEND IN YOUR PICTURES OF YOUR DOOR FOR OUR CHRISTMAS DOOR DECORATING CONTEST. Stella to her parents: Did you guys send in a picture of your front door? Mr. R: I just sent in the whole goddamned door.

Me: So, the Dem Debate had a commercial and came back with Hillary missing....I think she was stuck in the bathroom taking a shit. At least, that's what I choose to think. Stella: Ha! That would happen to me! Then I would return with the "poop sweats" showing. Me: I'd have tucked something in my pants and/or have toilet paper stuck to me. Stella: My strategy would be to not wipe well so I stink and throw everyone else off their game. Me: HA! Stella: I hate that the Democratic debates are on Saturday nights. I forget they are on. Is Hilary wearing a carpet? Me: I only realized because of Facebook and Twitter. "Patton Oswalt ‏@pattonoswalt 2 hours ago Hillary looking fetching in her Ann Taylor Loft "Shaved Chewbacca" sweater frock! #DemDebate". Stella: Yes! My first thought was Berber carpet from Home Depot. Me: I thought burlap sack Stella: Burlap Sac Chic. OMG! Check out @pattonoswalt's Tweet: "We must use Keith Richards to absor...

Birdman: Well, you want to go get something to eat?  Stella: Ugh...I have to put pants on.