I Better Write That Down

2nd Cousin: Mom, you know what twerking is.  Ex-Cousin-in-law: Twerking?  Is that having sex? 2nd Cousin: No.  Ex-Cousin-in-law: Is that pooping? 2nd Cousin: No. Let me show you a video...

Text from Stella: Doing a search on our tv for "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and "DDD REAL BOOBS AND SQUISHY VULVAS 6" come up.  Seriously....#6?

Phone call my cousin received at work: Job candidate: Hello [cousin's name]? I went today to take my drug screen and I tried and tried to pee but I couldn't. They told me to call you. What should I do? Cousin: Uhhhh drink a lot of water and go back?

Stella: You can have some apple pie if you want.  Birdman: There's cake, too, right?  Stella: Oh yeah...there are feces of cake left.  Birdman: Feces of cake?!  Stella: Yep..but totally meant pieces.

"It freaks me out that the Planters Peanut guy wears a monocle and encourages us to genocidally eat all the other peanuts. He's a monster." - Stella's brother

Another message from Stella: Quote from my dream: 'Why does He-Man look awesome after 30 years but Batman looks 90% fat clown?'  Don't know who said it but there was a cartoon drawing of a bunch of super heroes... and Batman DID look like a fat clown.  You would think I smoke crack and go to sleep with the dreams I have sometimes. Stella's illustration of the Batman in her dream.

"I was just in the middle of Walgreens before I realized I should check to see if I was wearing pants. Lucky for the public, I was." - Message from Stella